Member-only story
Recently, a potential collaborator pointed me out using threatening-to-quit language for manipulative purposes. Tempted to rise in my defense, I chose, instead, to stay curious. Was I threatening to quit the project? I reviewed my text message: I’m sensing a diminishing interest in the project. I wouldn’t classify that as a threat, but indeed vague. Was I pointing out project members as not doing their part? And if so, how did I come to decide the criteria for their role?
This speculation opened the door to a more profound look around. Whose interest in the project had diminished, and how did I know this? I recognized familiar trigger markers. My energetic presence was too much, too strong, too eager. Project members don’t want to be told what to do or pushed around. But, the fellow who pointed me out as threatening to quit the project linked my action to an act of manipulation. Was I being manipulative?
Manipulation is a trigger word. Manipulating others is bad, and being exposed as a manipulator carries weight. I decided to let that weight go. I couldn’t find where I meant to be manipulative. I responded with clarification. I acknowledged my vagueness and identified three points I needed as a storyboard designer and film director. Then I got caught up in the word needed, sensing underlying desperation. Isn’t desperation a form of manipulation? But, if I take out the desperation, I realize I do wait on input from my collaborative team so I can shape the storyboard and direct the outcome weave.
