The definition of a leader is one who guides or leads individuals and/or groups. There are many ways, methods, and styles of leadership. Leaders inspire, model humane behavior or action, or they can dominate and control, require followers who do not question. When I looked for leadership images, every visual showed a figure, the leader, standing out, leading others to the top of mountains or success ladders. The above image created by Jennifer Garvey Berger most describes how I see the future of leadership in America. Unlocking leadership mind traps and thriving in complexity.
In my young adult years, I set out to lead myself into uncovering suppressed feelings and memories that held me back from authentic emergence. At the time I did not realize that leadership can be an act of imbalance if it is not done for oneself, first. So, I focused on helping others. I was a life coach before the phrase was a common one. I primarily worked with people who knew they had survived traumas in their childhood. I often brought a punching bag to sessions as a method of accessing buried feelings. I believed in helping others follow their own story, a belief cobbled together from encounter group philosophy from the sixties and various spiritual teachings from that time. My leadership in this area was much welcomed, if unique. Now I realize that I was daring to scratch the surface, daring to expose past trauma as a legitimate area to explore with respect and honor instead of seeing past trauma as limited by a perpetrator/victim mindset.
I also wrote short fiction, a daring stream of consciousness that spoke of suppressed hurts as felt and experienced in the body and expressed through sexual activity. In this area, too, I was a leader. I contributed to shaping community awareness of unlocking cultural limitations. People gathered when I read aloud, eager to follow along as I led the way into complex, dark and yet thrilling stories of personal redemption. And, in this area, too, I didn’t yet understand that I was scratching the surface of work that ultimately I would have to do for myself. I liked being recognized, I liked daring to lead and being rewarded for my effort. Basically, my leadership isolated myself from myself, but I didn’t understand that.
I finally got below the surface and my own memories of past trauma began to emerge. Most people find a therapist, an expert leader to help them deal with and guide them through the experience. I decided to study many methods; primarily talk therapy, various mindfulness practices, bodywork, a cognitive-behavioral approach, basic Buddhist philosophy, dance, and boxing. During this time I was not a recognized community leader, and I struggled with a sense of abandonment, of being stripped of my importance. Little did I know that I was actually embarking on what I understand now as important leadership qualities — seeking self-awareness first and leading from that experience instead of telling others what to do and how to be.
And yet, I craved recognition, feeling important and in charge. So I opened a boxing gym at a time when boxing fitness was an emerging trend. It was a perfect way to bring together all of my in-depth study of methods for releasing past trauma as held in the body. I coined the phrases, In Life As It Is In The Ring, Training Is Your Trophy and Clear the Punch Path. Almost overnight I was yet again an important leader. Boxing fitness became a new therapy, and I had people to work with again. I shaped the business according to self-awareness precepts and settled into a good twenty-year ride.
During those twenty years, America changed dramatically. Startups produced visionary leaders who became incredibly wealthy and near godlike, radically impacting our business future. These new leaders started out as mostly computer nerds, and their rise to stardom was revolutionary. Social media took off like wildfire, and again, these new leaders quickly assumed unprecedented stardom. Mindfulness experts amassed a huge following in areas such as yoga, meditation, spiritual guidance, and motivational speaking. Suddenly it became possible to be saved from past hurts, to essentially bypass the negative by following these thrilling leaders. And, of course, all these new leaders enjoyed the recognition, the wealth, the important status.
But, as I discovered, self-important leadership creates an imbalance. No one can bypass the need to release past trauma from the body. Cultural and family legacy is real. All individuals carry with them stories that have been passed on through generations. We see the same old stories being acted out. We see the fighting and the blaming and the hurt patterns reoccurring. We don’t need more expert leaders in their field, more coaches and motivational speakers to follow, we need everyone to take on leadership responsibility, to tend to how they contribute to the old stories. It has come time to share stories and compare notes. When I point my finger at someone, I tell myself I am seeing a reflection of myself, and though it often is difficult, I prevail in my belief that all I can do is take on my own hurts and link to others who are doing the same thing in their own way. All I can do is seek my own authentic emergence side by side with those who are doing the same.
