Simple things, like brushing your teeth, tying your shoes, locking orunlocking a door are, by the time you are an adult, simple things. You probably take them for granted, but once you did not know how to do them. You had to learn.
I watched a parenting team the other day, teaching their son how to tie his shoes. He was agitated, seemed to experience challenge far greater than he believed he could handle. He tried to get away, had tantrum spasms, cried. His parents energetically cushion contained him. One parent went through each step one by one, without frustration or impatience. Turns out the two parents each had their own method, which suddenly they realized. The training session turned into a family experience. Dad showed Mom his method, she showed son. The agitation faded away, and the result: two small shoes neatly tied.
We all can learn from this story. The simple things often are the most challenging, not because they actually are challenging in themselves, but they challenge our self confidence.
Yesterday, my printer ran out of paper. I reloaded more, but apparently not correctly, because the warning message came again: Printer out of paper. I repeated the process three times, then suddenly an immense fear came over me. I felt utterly alone, terrified, certain I would never be able to figure out how to load the paper correctly and I would not be able to work. Instantly, my mind rejected such foolishness. Of course I knew how to load the paper correctly! I had done it thousands of time. Fortunately, I had enough self awareness to slow down and pay more respect. Loading paper into a printer may be a small thing, but in that moment it was my portal to an disembodied terror.
The week before I had suffered a tremendous blow that broke my jaw in two places. I was one week post surgery, and my shattered self was scrambling to regroup. The paper loading situation triggered off a pocket of helpless panic. I calmed myself down enough to get the paper loaded, then I took some time in the panic zone. Mostly this means sitting back, actively listening to the flood of feelings and emotions zipping through me, an errant tide in all directions at once.
I hear all the time from work team members, how the little things on their To Do List can be the most daunting. They tell stories of how stupid this seems, of their efforts to convince them self to “just do it!” What’s the big deal, right? Something as simple as writing an email, making contact through a phone call or following the prompts on the computer can present a bigger challenge then you might think. Appreciate the small things, they are not unimportant.
Emails can represent many things. Something must be communicated. Will it be well received, ignored, contested? Will you say it right, and more crucial, what do you want to say? Some people will not relate to emails being a stall out of indecision and fear. But, for those who do resonate with this scenario, know how easy it is to put off emails until they pile up and threaten to engulf you.
Phone calls are another potential panic zone, especially if there is something you need to achieve. How to express what you want? How to navigate opposition or misunderstanding? If you don’t have a lot of confidence in this area, it can be challenging to be put on the spot. Another item on the To Do List to procrastinate about. And, those who have computer / technology anxiety know well the fear of clicking the wrong button and not knowing how to get back to where you were.
If none of these small challenges speak to you, find some that do. There’s plenty to choose from. Driving anxiety, not sure you will know how to get where you are going. There are maps, GPS, you can ask for help; you will figure it out. You might be scrubbing a pot and have a sudden stabbing fear you will never be able to get it clean. Little things, not technically life or death matters. But, if in any one moment, you are accessing fear or panic, give some respect. If you are you are. Slow down, take the task one step at a time, then make sure to pat yourself on the back when you accomplish it. It’s not the task that’s the problem, it’s your insecurities, triggered off by the task, that are speaking up.
