Member-only story
In the boxing world, sparring partners are unique. In domestic, everyday life, partner relationships are much more complicated, with communication the exchange that either bonds or separates. Therefore, conversation tends to be less of a battle and more of a growth opportunity when viewed as sparring.
I learned domestic communication fundamentals from family, family system legacy, and cultural influence. Masking and emotional suppression were valued. Personal masking and suppression are not desirable in the boxing ring, and sparring partners work diligently to help each other break those habits down. Unfortunately, In domestic conversations, this is not always the case.
For example, I learned to lead two lives — a dissociative inner one and a surface one. I consistently struggled to express myself in everyday life and grew up desperate to fit into conversations I didn’t understand. On the other hand, a sparring partner wants me to express my inner strengths, and I want the same. We spar to perfect our sport, whereas I find most everyday conversations support winners and losers, privileged and marginalized, perpetrators and victims.
It became apparent that I needed to be in my corner, make friends with myself, to find conversational sparring partners. When I hit a meltdown and resorted to angry dialogue, and the other people in the conversation pulled away, either smirking or appalled, I learned to forgive myself. Even when my inner critic berated me for being stupid, I learned to evade the blows…
