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Self-Loathing Jig

Cap Kotz
3 min readOct 21, 2022

Whispered chants echo in the inner catacombs:

You are stupid
No one understands what you are doing or saying
No one cares about you
Keep it to yourself
You made that up
You will never fit in
You are not certified to access that information
Why don’t you just give up?
You’re making the wrong choice
You made the wrong choice
You are making a fool of yourself
You suck

This Chant Cycle is a habitual loop that dominates my daily writing, a Greek Chorus setting the stage. Finally, I decide to rise to the occasion and design a jig.

I start with a basic sole tap, stamp, and grind, fluctuating between Sole Grids: numbered, color, and story quadrants based on dividing the sole with a vertical line down the middle and a horizontal line across the arch. The numbers relate to the musical beat, the colors relate to the senses, and the story refers to life. Next, I tap with the left big toe quadrant, #1, yellow, or joy, stamp and grind this experience into existence. The return force sends connective signals up into my body.

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Cap Kotz
Cap Kotz

Written by Cap Kotz

Writer and Story Mapping Guide, I follow the life path no matter how challenging.

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