Teamwork

I’m the writer for a massive project, Family Release Work Stories, and it’s my role to allow data to pour through me without personal judgment or attachment, shaping and crafting as I go. This is all fine and good, except I suffer high-level computer anxiety, and since I invest 6–8 hours a day at the computer, my issues can interrupt the crafting flow.

Two weeks ago, I noticed physical oddities. First, I missed a pole I meant to lean on as I stepped up on the curb and fell hard on my right hip. Due to Xtreme stiff knees, my mobility has diminished over the years, and falling is not an option. First, I registered shock; then, my mind scanned for pain and injury as I clumsily scrambled to my feet, embarrassed and desperate to regain control. Smaller imbalances occurred. I dropped or fumbled with small items and overextended my reach, so I collided with objects instead of grasping them. Then, my mouse stopped working. I could no longer Bold, Italicize, Cut, Paste and Copy, or even scroll up and down. A new keyboard and mouse sits on my side table, but I’m terrified to abandon the familiar set-up, picturing getting lost in a new system.

Instead of pushing myself to change, I slowed down and listened to anxiety levels flaring and receding as expressed by muscle organization, my breath shortening or expanding, and my energetic vibrations forming emotional weather maps. I discovered my finger touch on the mouse seems to have shifted, and positioning the touch to the extreme right is key to effective mousing, except I can’t maintain even contact. Scrolling down, my finger…